Inconvenient Truth
by underworld-girl
Summary: Sasuke has returned to Konoha, but what's his reason? Is it convenience or was there another reason? Perhaps a hidden one that not even he knew. Sasuke oneshot


**A/N:** This is my first one-shot and let me tell you, it was so hard to write. I had to do a LOT of revising before uploading it here. Sasuke isn't really the easiest character to portray. But I did my best and I hope you all enjoy my one-shot.

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**Title: Inconvenient Truth**

"_Come to think of it, isn't your becoming Hokage one of your dreams…?" Sasuke inquired in Naruto's ear. _

"_If you have time to chase me around, you would have been better off training…don't you think…Naruto? And that's why…you're going to end up losing your life, all at a whim of mine." _

_Sasuke unleashed his blade; Naruto realized the situation his in. Yet, he stayed level-headed. _

"_Like there's any chance someone, who can't save a friend, could become Hokage. Don't you think…Sasuke?" The blond said instead in response to Sasuke's comment. But, the only effect it had on the former teammate was just the attempt to thrust the blade in Naruto._

_The blade was just about to be engraved in Naruto's back but Sai blocked the attack by clutching Sasuke's hand. The blond ninja grabbed a hold of Sasuke's free arm; the Uchiha closed his eyes with a calm expression. Yamato took a chance to Sasuke's apparent opening and did a hand sign allowing in his hand to grow a wood appendage that extended towards Sasuke. The Uchiha reopened his eyes with the Sharingan activated; eye brows meeting and with a killer, solemn look. Suddenly, electricity started to emit from the avenger's body shocking Naruto, Sai and Yamato. The chirping sound of a thousand birds was heard. _

_Sweat dripped from Sakura's face. Sasuke strength and growth was noticeable. Yet, it didn't stop her. Her emerald eyes glared at Sasuke and charged right at him. The Sharingan heir turned towards the person that he noticed was gaining at him; when he saw Sakura his facial expression slightly changed from the stoic one he had to a softer one. _

"_Sasuke-kun…I'm gong to stop you with my own power!" cried the charging kunoichi._

Sasuke opened his eyes.

_That again…hn…it's starting to get annoying._

The images of the charging Sakura came again into his mind. Her emerald eyes were different than before. They were full of strength and determination; a powerful shine that they practically didn't have before he had left Konoha.

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**Sasuke P.O.V**

That day keeps haunting me like a phantom. I can't shake it off no matter how much I want to. Seeing Naruto again, I could tell even if it was just a moment that although he's still the same, he had also grown. Heh. Still with his dream of being Hokage. Yet, he put that dream, that desire aside and searched for me.

Foolish. That's what I thought about that, foolish.

Sakura caused some intrigue on me as well. She wasn't the same kunoichi she was two years ago. Seeing her charge at me to fight me with all her strength was something that I wasn't expecting. Sakura usually thought things more than twice before doing them and doubts always reached her; she didn't have confidence in herself to act on her own. Yet, she proved the contrary that day. Her eyes were full of strength and determination and the confidence that she didn't have before. She was serious; I could tell. She was truly serious about fighting me. Heh. The girl that was crazy about me and fangirled over me, which seriously annoyed the hell outta me was charging right _at_ me with the intention of fighting me. A day like that never even crossed my mind. The fact that Sakura didn't let her feelings for me hinder her from making an attempt to attack me is proof that she has also grown mentally.

But I will say this much, although I had curiosity in seeing her improvements I didn't allow her to strike. I knew that if I reciprocated her attempt to fight me and responded to it, I was putting her life in danger. Honestly, I didn't see a valid reason to do so at least. As she charged at me, I analyzed the situation and started to plan a way to avoid confronting her. I waited for an opening to strike. I drew out my sword once more and started to emit Chidori out of my body, making it surround the blade. I suspected that if I attempted to strike her, the jounin-level ninja would jump to protect her. So I angled my blade to strike at the jounin ninja and not Sakura. I was right.

Naruto and Sakura used their time to look for me for the reason that they feared the danger I was facing by being with Orochimaru since he was so close to transferring bodies. If the circumstances were others I would've talked to them. Their quest to "help" me was useless. My one goal is to kill my brother. I need power. I knew Orochimaru would give it to me but I was also aware that he wanted my body. I wasn't going to allow that. I said otherwise though. I told them: "If I'm able to accomplish my goals through nothing more than offering Orochimaru this body of mine…the he can have my life and my afterlife for that matter."

Still, by looking for me they are meddling into an affair that doesn't concern them and besides the danger it would bring to them I wasn't going to allow them to interfere. I was willing to do anything as long as it kept them out of my way. I could've told them but I didn't. Not only I didn't felt like it but also I sensed Orochimaru and Kabuto somewhere in the background, hiding, eavesdropping. If I played my cards wrong at this point, Orochimaru would suspect of my supposed "loyalty" to him. I acted as if I didn't care about Naruto, Sakura, Konoha and even about myself. Though in a way, I didn't I mean, if they stand in my way and hinder me and my goal I wasn't going to hold back.

I decided to make my move and use "that" jutsu I had developed. I did this knowing that Orochimaru was going to stop me since he and I both knew it wasn't the appropriate time to use it. I did the tiger sign and was ready to attack. I was right once more; Orochimaru stopped me. I took one last look at Naruto and Sakura and with that, I left the premises.

But ever since that day, I've been having constant dreams of it. It seemed that my bond with them wasn't completely severed as I thought.

It is really annoying.

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My days with Orochimaru were like a living hell. I always knew he was a sick bastard but now, I was certain of it. He would sometimes make me watch the experiments he did on people. Taking prisoners, both men and woman, trying them with chains in that cold metal bed and then, performing the experiment; opening them with that cold metal scalpel with no anesthetics whatsoever; hearing their screams of excruciating agony coming from their throats; it always screeched in my ear. It was irritating. Both Orochimaru and Kabuto often invited me to join them but I always refused. My excuse? The same: "I don't need to waste my time on trivial things that won't benefit me and my goal."

During the years I was with Orochimaru, he showed me his most ugly, sadistic side ever. He would sometimes go into these violent rampages and would torture me. It was hard but I learned to withstand the pain. As time passed, I started to grow stronger and stronger. Orochimaru noticed it, and if he wanted my body he couldn't keep acting the way he did. So, he decided to give me more authority. I never really cared whether I had authority or not. I never treated Orochimaru with respect like Kabuto and I certainly didn't fear him. I saw Orochimaru's true nature and although it was sick and sadistic he was also pathetic; it was pathetic the way he feared death. Well, in any case it was obvious that Orochimaru feared my growth in power and he had all the reason to; if he wanted my body he had to play his cards right.

The reunion with my former teammates proved to be more troublesome that I could've imagined. The images of that day would haunt me in dreams. I tried forgetting about it and I denied any feeling that would become a reason for me to remember said day. Feelings would only make me weak. They won't allow me to be capable of hatred and that's what I need. Without hatred I will never be able to have what it takes to kill Itachi. That's why I had to deny anything I felt that wasn't hatred. But my dreams would always end with one specific image: Sakura charging at me. I didn't understand why that particular moment was engraved so clearly in my mind. But whatever the reason was, it was getting on my nerves.

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It's about time for Orochimaru to transfer bodies. This is my chance to proof to myself how strong and powerful I am. If I lose to Orochimaru then I was never worthy to fight Itachi.

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I went against Orochimaru and won. He wasn't really that much of a match for me. After all, in power I'm like him but I'm younger. Now that I had my freedom and I had obtained what I wanted, I thought on what I was going to do now. For some reason the option of returning to Konoha came into my mind. I had to choose; look for Itachi or go back to Konoha. I thought about it for a while. I had no clue to where Itachi was so looking for him without a trail would just be a waste of time. Akatsuki is after Naruto's kyuubi so I have better chances in finding Itachi if I go to Konoha. Also…in a way…I _wanted_ to go back. So I decided. I'll return to Konoha; it's what's most convenient.

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I'm only a few miles away from my destination; from the place I left 4 years ago; the place I thought I'd never return to until I have gotten my revenge; the place where my painful past memories are. There I left my bonds with Naruto and Sakura. Heh. Knowing them they probably still have those bonds and are still with the resolution to bring me back. If they aren't then…there's really no point in being here.

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As I thought, once I was spotted I got detained and brought to Tsunade's office. There I was lectured, as I had expected. I had to explain my reason for returning, though I left most of the details since I didn't want to say them, and I had to explain a lot of other troublesome things. At the end, Tsunade gave me her sentence. I was to be enclosed in Konoha for 3 years. What I'm glad though is that they didn't ask me to give up on Itachi. My imprisonment will be annoying, no doubt about that but, what can I do? I did bring this upon myself I think that they went a bit easy on me. But at least is better than being in Orochimaru's layer.

When I left the office I decided to head towards the ruins of my clan. As I walked, some villagers would stare at me; eyes of resent. You could feel the tension in the atmosphere. In fact, you could even cut it with a kunai; though I didn't expect any less. Luckily, I didn't run into anyone I knew from before. I really didn't felt like talking to them at the moment.

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I'm standing here, in front of what used to be the mighty Uchiha clan. Now, it was just a ghost town, if any. Everything was the way it was the day Itachi killed them all. Everything was untouched.

I swear. I _will_ get revenge. I _will_ kill Itachi if it's the last thing I do in my life. I betrayed Konoha and betrayed my friends and teammates; I went through hell with Orochimaru and finally got the power I had desired. All that is left is the final battle. I won't let my actions be in vain. Even if all I have is the bitter taste said actions gave me, I will accomplish what I've devoted my life for, even if I've returned to Konoha.

Father…Mother…you will rest in peace one day soon. I swear. I'll make sure it.

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As I stood there I heard a voice call my name.

"Sasuke…kun…?" the voice was trembling and with a tone of uncertainty. I could tell. Yet despite of that, it had a tone of gentleness in it. I quickly recognized the voice. I turned and saw none other than Sakura.

Her face was in a state of shock; emerald eyes wide opened, gaped. I could see her hands tremble. She swallowed.

"I-is it…really…you?"

I maintained my solemn expression and nodded in response.

"Yes. It's me."

She slowly walked towards me; one foot after another in a paused sequence. Once she reached me, she stood in front of me; staring at me with her still widened emerald eyes. They explored my face; studying it. I could tell that she wasn't sure if what she was seeing was real or not. Then, she put her hand in my cheek. I allowed her warm yet trembling hand caress my face. Her eyes welled with tears; she realized that it was real. I had return.

"It-it really is you…isn't it?" she said with a breaking voice; tears rolled down her cheeks.

Then, she buried her face in my chest and started to sob. Again, I allowed this intimacy for some reason, though I wasn't exactly sure what that reason was nor did I really care to know it. I didn't do anything. I just stood there, still, with a sobbing Sakura.

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Sakura and I sat down at the floor, looking at the ruins of the Uchicha clan.

"Sauske-kun…why did you came back?" Sakura asked me. She avoided eye contact.

"Because I had no more reason to be with Orochimaru. I killed him."

Once I had said those last 3 words, Sakura looked at me with shock.

"You-you killed him?!"

I nodded in response; serious, "He was much too weak to go against me."

"I-I can't believe it…I…you must really be strong, Sasuke-kun." Sakura looked down with a grin. "I'm glad that you're alive."

I didn't response to that. I simply looked away back at the former clan.

"What about Itachi, Sasuke-kun? Are you still going to get your revenge?" she asked.

"Of course." I spat out. "Revenge is what I committed my life to. And I won't stop until I do. You ought to know that by now."

"Then…" Sakura hugged her knees and her face sunk. "Why _are_ you here? Did you came back for convenience or because you wanted to return again with us?"

I remained silent for a moment; mainly because I wasn't sure of how to answer. I knew what the answer was but I didn't know how to put it in words without hurting her.

"Please tell me." She said with a breaking voice. It also sounded afraid.

"I won't deny the part that it was for convenience because it was." I bluntly said.

"After I left Orochimaru's layer, I was going to look for Itachi but I realized that I had no idea of where to look for him. So going after him would be a waste of time. I know Akatsuki is after the kyuubi inside Naruto so I thought I'd be closer to Itachi if I was with Naruto. So I decided to come back here. But…" I paused. "For some reason I also _wanted_ to return."

Sakura looked at me. I gave an obliquely look; her emerald eyes had a puzzled look in them.

"I don't understand. I mean, when we met after two years you didn't care about us at all. In fact, you didn't even care about your own life. You were willing to give your body to Orochimaru if it meant killing Itachi, remember?"

"_If I'm able to accomplish my goals through nothing more than offering Orochimaru this body of mine…the he can have my life and my afterlife for that matter."_

I remembered.

"I knew Orochimaru was going to be eavesdropping from somewhere. Or at least I sensed him though it was faint. If I hadn't said that, Orochimaru would've been suspicious of me. I had no intentions of giving my body to him as you can see. I'm no fool. My only purpose was power."

Sakura looked down once more.

"Still, you didn't have any problems in almost wanting to kill us."

I noticed a tone of blame towards me in her voice; it had somewhat of a resentful feeling.

"You're not understanding where I'm coming from Sakura, if I hadn't then Orochimaru would've suspected that I still had my former bonds with Konoha," I partially lied. Although I had severed some of those bonds, I wasn't able to severe them all. If any, I'd say I just buried them. Even if I wanted to live in denial about this, it was a fact.

"But of course…I wasn't going to allow any of you to hinder me and my goal." I added.

My eyes narrowed as I glared at the ruins of the Uchiha clan.

"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura called me.

I looked at her. She buried her face in her knees and then looked forward. Her eyes had a melancholic look in them.

"Are…are you going to leave us again?"

Her emerald eyes started to get teary. It was annoying to see her cry but for some reason I also didn't _want_ to see her cry. Suddenly, moments of the times she's cried for me flashbacked into my mind. I don't know why, they just popped inside. But then a strange feeling compelled me. I felt guilt for it. I realized that I had made her suffer the most by leaving.

"No. At least not for now." I answered. "And stop asking me questions, it's getting bothersome. Besides, once I see Kakashi and Naruto they'll ask me questions too. I don't want to get annoyed now."

"Well then…"Sakura got up to her feet. She patted away the dirt in her backside. "Let's go and find them."

I stood up next and nodded. She grinned at me but…I saw something different in it. I don't know why or what it was exactly. I mean, it's not any different to her grins from before I left. Yet, somehow I saw this particular grin in a different way; it felt different.

Why?

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I met with Kakashi and Naruto. As I thought they practically asked me the same questions as Sakura; I practically gave them the same answers and like with Sakura, I left some things out. I didn't want to tell them.

When I talked to them, the way they were with me was as if I never betrayed them. Unlike the villagers, there weren't any signs of resent and there was no tension in the atmosphere. Although I had left them a bitter taste, it was as if they didn't really have it. Despite everything, they accepted me again and were willing to forgive me. Heh. I guess no matter how the years progress, they will always be the same. I'm actually glad about it though.

I also met with the others, Ino, Shikamaru, Lee, Neji…although I didn't talk to them much because I didn't want to. Still, their reactions were also like Kakashi's and Naruto's. No resent…just cheers and forgiveness.

Am I really someone that deserves this?

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It's been around a month since I came back to Konoha. I was given an apartment near to where Sakura lives and I was also given new clothing; can't very well be walking around with my sound outfit.

As part of my sentence I was also ordered to help Tsunade out as community service. Hn. It's a total nuisance. I'd rather bore myself than work with papers. But if I don't then even if my three year confinement is lifted, I won't be able to continue being a ninja. Tsunade said the work was a test to see if I can be allowed to resume as a Konoha ninja or not. Meh. This is such an eye sore. But I can't do anything about it. Just do my work and get this damn thing over with.

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"Sasuke-kun, wanna go for a walk?" Sakura asked.

I was walking in the hallway of the Hokage tower. For now, I was done with my paper work.

"Fine." I bluntly answered.

Almost everyday when I was done, Sakura would come for me. We would either walk around or eat lunch together. Naruto could tag along with us too but most of the time it was just me and Sakura. That is, whenever she wasn't at the hospital working. If she was I would sometimes pass by but I wasn't often.

It's strange…before I would get totally annoyed by having Sakura tagging along every time if it wasn't anything mission related but now, it doesn't feel like that. I've gotten used to her company. It feels rather…soothing, if any. A peace I've never felt before. It's awkward.

"So Sasuke-kun, how are you holding Tsunade's errands?" Sakura asked. We sat down on a bench near some trees.

"Meh. Can't complain, since I literally can't complain."

Sakura giggled, "Yea…I can imagine."

I stared at that giggle but I quickly looked away.

"Oh I never told you. Tsunade-sama told me that she's considering Naruto for the candidacy for the Hokage title. She said that once she turns 60 she'll retire so she's been selecting ninjas who would make excellent candidates for the Hokage position. And Naruto's one of them. Isn't that great?" Sakura said enthusiastically with a cheerful smile.

I smirked, "Heh. So, Naruto's is closer to accomplishing his goal than I am…"

My eyes narrowed with a glare. I felt frustrated; frustrated because I was falling behind Naruto. He is near to accomplishing his goal of becoming Hokage while I'm nowhere near to finding Itachi. I don't have the slightest clue to where he is. I want to feel good for Naruto. I know how much he has strived for his goal but right now, I can't. I'm frustrated. I've been striving too, even more. I had to betray everyone to get to where I am now. I can't fall behind; I refuse to fall behind.

"Sasuke-kun? Sasuke-kun!"

I heard Sakura called for me. I looked at her.

"You suddenly spaced out, are you ok?"

"Yea. I'm fine." I answered with a monotonous tone.

"You know…" Sakura looked down. "I've always had this wish that one day you and I would be able to openly talk to each other. Like, we could tell each other what we think, what we feel, what worries us…things like that. Heh. Though I've been doing that since the beginning and you know that. But I really liked being open with you, even though it was always one-sided. However, I can't deny that the fact that it was one-sided would sometimes make me feel a bit sad."

Sakura paused. I avoided looking at her directly but I did obliquely look at her.

"But that's all in the past. It's a pretty silly wish, don't you think?" Sakura gave me a sort of nervous smile.

"Open up, huh?" I commented, gazing at the sky.

Then I felt a voice inside of me; a voice that told me to open myself to her. What did I have to lose? I don't know why. I've never even thought of such a thing before. But I followed my instincts.

"I wanna know something Sakura." I rested my elbows in my knees and then with my hands, I rested my chin.

She looked at me attentively, "What is it?"

"I wanna know, how much I hurt you ever since I left Konoha."

Her emerald eyes began to look away; her looks started to become sorrowful; her face sunk.

"A lot." She answered with a soft voice.

A silence overwhelmed the atmosphere. It felt as if a sudden wall was starting to form between us, but Sakura broke the silence.

"When you left, I was completely devastated. I felt many things: anger, frustration, sadness, blame, pain…I felt as if my life was slowly disappearing. I loved you Sasuke-kun; I loved you with all my heart and you knew it."

She paused and swallowed.

"When we reunited after 2 years, I felt the same way again. The hopes I had that we would be able to help you and bring you back were completely shattered. It was as if someone came and destroyed my heart and hopes. I felt that they started to fade away; my endurance of the pain I was feeling started to weaken. But most of all, I felt guilt of it all. I felt guilty because I thought I didn't do enough for you. That I didn't care for you enough; that I didn't love you enough. I knew how much you suffered the loss of your clan and the loneliness you felt must've been unbearable. I wanted to give you what you had lost that day. I wanted to give you that companionship, that care, that lost happiness, that love…I don't know what I did wrong but I felt that I didn't do enough for you. That I…I..."

Her voice started to break; cries getting formed in her throat.

"I…didn't offer you my all…"

Tears started to stream down her face. I never really thought that I had hurt her this much.

"No Sakura. Is not that you didn't give me enough. It's that I never learned how to take what you gave me. So stop blaming yourself, alright? You didn't do anything that you should blame yourself for; never."

Tears kept rolling but this time, she had a grin; a grin, maybe, of relief.

"Thank you…Sasuke-kun."

Suddenly, I found myself with my arm around her. I don't know why. It was just my instinct probably, but instinct of what? My body completely moved on its own. I didn't want to give much thought of the matter so I just let it be. I could tell that it was comforting Sakura and that's what she needed right now. But I noticed something I didn't know before. I didn't know that Sakura's body was this small. She felt smooth, petite and frail. Did she always feel like this? Meh. That really isn't a relevant issue. But…am I the only one who didn't know?

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After spending the afternoon with Sakura, I decided to go straight to my apartment. Once I arrived I took a shower. When I was done, I wrapped a towel around my bottom part leaving my top exposed. I sat at the edge of my bed; lost in thought.

My moments of my afternoon with Sakura returned to my mind.

The hindsight ended when I put my arm around her. Why had I done that? As much as I wanted an answer I couldn't find it and it totally annoyed me.

Then, flashbacks of the reunion came; same moment: Sakura charging at me.

"_Sasuke-kun…I'm gong to stop you with my own power!" _

After that, I remembered the moment I had with Sakura after I returned to Konoha.

_Sakura put her hand in my cheek. I allowed her warm yet trembling hand caress my face. Her eyes welled with tears; she realized that it was real. I __had returned._

"_It-it really is you…isn't it?" she said with a breaking voice; tears rolled down her cheeks. Then, she buried her face in my chest and started to sob._

Why? Why does Sakura keep invading my thoughts? Why is my mind flooded with images and moments of her? Why…have I been noticing more things about her now? Like, the way her cheeks become rosy when she smiles, the way her eyes have this peculiar sparkle when she's cheerful, how the sun highlights her bubblegum hair making it shine; her smooth skin and petite body; her smiles…why do they make me feel soothed? Her tears…why do they make me feel bitter? Why am I even worrying of details that before I considered trivial? That I wouldn't even have bothered to noticed.

I put my hands on my face and let out an exasperated sigh, falling back to the bed.

Her tears…all she suffered and yet, she stayed strong, even when all seemed to be hopeless. Again, I'm feeling that bitter taste. Ugh. But now that I remember, I always seem to be the one to make her cry. Yea…the only one that would make her cry was me. And yet, she still forgave me. I have to admit, I don't deserve this. I never did. Not from her.

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_Sakura trembled; eyes welling with tears. "Please quit…I'm afraid…"_

"_You're in no condition to fight!" she suddenly cried; tears rolling down her bruised face._

"_I may have friends and family…but…if you were to leave…" Tears streamed down Sakura's face; she shut her eyes. "To me…to me…I would be just as alone as you…"_

"_I…I love you with all my heart!! If you were to stay with me…there would be no regrets…because every day we'd do something fun, we'd be happy…I swear! I would do anything for you!! So…please just stay with me…" Tears kept steaming interminably; Sakura's face started to sink._

"_I'll even help you with your revenge…I don't know what I could do…but, I'll try my best to do something…" She sniffed. "So please…stay with me…or take me with you if you can't stay here…"_

"_Sasuke-kun…I'm gong to stop you with my own power!" cried the charging kunoichi._

_Sakura put her hand in my cheek. I allowed her warm yet trembling hand caress my face. Her eyes welled with tears; she realized that it was real. I __had returned._

"_It-it really is you…isn't it?" she said with a breaking voice; tears rolled down her cheeks. Then, she buried her face in my chest and started to sob._

"_You know…I've always had this wish that one day you and I would be able to openly talk to each other. Like, we could tell each other what we think, what we feel, what worries us…things like that."_

"_When you left, I was completely devastated. I felt many things: anger, frustration, sadness, blame, pain…I felt as if my life was slowly disappearing. I loved you Sasuke-kun; I loved you with all my heart and you knew it."_

"_I felt guilty because I thought I didn't do enough for you. That I didn't care for you enough; that I didn't love you enough. I knew how much you suffered the loss of your clan and the loneliness you felt must've been unbearable. I wanted to give you what you had lost that day. I wanted to give you that companionship, that care, that lost happiness, that love…I don't know what I did wrong but I felt that I didn't do enough for you. That I…I…I…didn't offer you my all…"_

I quickly stat straight in the bed with a gasp; breathing heavily; eyes wide opened. I had those damn dreams again. I put my hand in my face and closed my eyes.

This is completely ridiculous…I mean, I've been having dreams like this ever since that goddamn reunion. If I had known it was going to be this much of a nuisance I would've rather not met with them. But…why is Sakura the only person I have dreams of? Why am I always remembering her? I don't understand.

Sakura...why do you make me feel like this? Soothed and peaceful yet at the same time bitter and guilty. Why do I want to keep seeing you? Why do I feel complete when I'm with you? Why can't I stand to see you make a sad face? Why won't you leave my mind? Why am I even asking myself these questions?!

I lay down again and closed my eyes. At that instant, images of Sakura flashed through my mind and they were all of her shedding tears. I sat again.

Tears, tears, tears! Only memories I have of her, and they are all about tears.

I put a hand in my face and grit my teeth. I hurt her; I always did. Then, I suddenly felt something. It was a strange feeling on my throat as if a sort of lump had form and I couldn't swallow it away no matter how much I tried to.

It felt like venom; it rushed through my blood making it boil and sting. I felt many things; even feeling I don't think I recognize myself because I've never felt them. But they all led to one...guilt.

I sink my face, raven colored bangs covering it along with my hand. I tightened the grip of my hand that was clutching a portion of the navy blue covers of my bed.

Sakura...I'm sorry...

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The morning finally came. I've never wanted the sun to rise as badly as I did last night. Tossing and turning in the bed; those dreams bothering me. No. It was as if they didn't want to allow me to sleep. It was as if someone was with a hammer constantly knocking me on the head, making sure I wouldn't fall asleep. But in a way, I was able to get my head straight. Last night helped me understand my feelings. Maybe if I hadn't had a night like yesterday's I'd probably still be struggling with my sentiments.

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I have to report to Tsunade's office right away, but I must see Sakura first. I now understand what I feel. At first, I thought I was sick, I mean, my body started to feel strange…and react strange. I can't really describe how I felt but, I know that most of the feelings happened in my stomach. Heh. It was actually a nuisance, and not knowing why pissed me off even more.

In any case, I realized later on that I wasn't really feeling ill. It was because of another source…one I still didn't comprehend. I started to reflect on the roots of said feelings and they all led me to the same person: Sakura. There wasn't any other source; any other person. Ever since that reunion, Sakura has been the only person to occupy my thoughts. I could only think of her. Now I also comprehend the reason why I wanted to return to Konoha. It wasn't just Itachi…it was Sakura too. Wanting to see her again; and when I did something new emerged: the desire to want her. At first I didn't understand this bizarre feeling. I mean, in a way I always wanted Sakura; more like chose her. If I want to restore my clan I needed a woman. I had chosen Sakura since she was not only my teammate but the only girl I was actually close to; she was the most appropriate choice. It was never about love; just convenience.

But now is different; now I feel like she's the person I've chosen to be with, and not for convenience but because I want her. Because I can't think of anyone else I'd rather restore my clan with. In the beginning I wasn't sure why I felt this way but I slowly started to realize that, this feeling was one I was unknown to. I've never felt this before towards anyone. Then it hit me. This desire, this feeling to be with her…isn't that what she felt towards me; the desire and feeling to be with me, enough to sacrifice herself for me? Yes. It was. And that's when I fully comprehended that this tormenting sentiment that I'm feeling is that which is called love.

Sakura has given me too much of her; I'll never be able to match it. Not even if I lived twice in this life. But…there is something I can do for her now. I want to tell you how I feel about you Sakura. Let me at least make your wish come true.

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I searched throughout the village for Sakura but there was no sign of her. I looked outside the village to, like at training grounds or at lakes. Finally, I spotted Sakura sitting by a lake but there was another figure beside her. I quickly recognized the blonde hair from behind; it was Naruto. I was just going to walk towards them until I saw Naruto and Sakura kiss. Once I saw that scene, my legs froze. I felt like a stab inside of me, especially near were my heart is; my heart felt like it was sinking; my chest felt like it was being compressed, heavy. I've never felt such pain before; a pain that I never though it could exist. It's similar to the one I felt when Itachi killed my family, but…is not it.

I put my hand in my chest and clutched the fabric of my shirt as I saw Naruto and Sakura exchange kisses and embracing each other; feeling each other's warmth. As much as I wanted this to not be true, I couldn't deny it. I closed me eyes and with that I left the scene, thankful that neither Naruto nor Sakura noticed my presence.

As I walked I kept thinking on what I witnessed, I guess I was too late. But…I'm glad in a way. I'm happy for them. They deserve each other. Naruto had always liked Sakura and now, he won her heart. Sakura deserved a man worthy of her and Naruto is the one. Sakura gave and gave…but I never learned how to take it. In the end…I ended up hurting her more than anyone. I took Sakura for granted. I never paid attention to what she truly felt for me until the night I felt. I acknowledge her feelings for me and I was grateful that I meant so much for her but…I again…took that for granted too. I never realized what I had in front of me. Perhaps I did held some feelings for her but I never noticed them nor did I care to notice them. I'm such a fool. And now…now that I realized I love her, that that I would die for her, that I want her with me, that she has filled me from the inside…now I'm too late. If I had known my feelings for her before, would I be the one kissing her by the lake? Would I be able to make her happy? I guess…I'll never know the answers to those questions. But…I'm not worthy of her. If it took me this long to realize everything then…I never deserved her nor does she deserve someone such as me. I had always been focusing on my revenge that I blinded myself from everyone and everything. I enclosed myself in my ambition so much that I wasn't aware that my actions hurt everyone. I call Naruto a loser but…the real loser is me. I took Sakura for granted and now that I've lost her…I've realized the value of the things she gave me.

I stood still and grinned but this is the first time grinning has ever hurt me. I guess that as long as Itachi is alive, I'll always be losing everything that I love.

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**A/N:** Well, is a bit long; I was worried of it being TOO long. But I think the length is ok. At least it portrays everything that's important. In any case, I hope you all liked it. Read & Review please.


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